Holy Matrimony Is A Beautiful Thing!

Dear Parishioners,

The sacramental view that the Catholic Church has on marriage or Holy Matrimony is stunning. The Church sees marriage not as a secular contract but as a covenant between two people and God. As the Church is Christ’s bridegroom, so spouses are to imitate this relationship. With a life-giving attitude toward each other involving dignity and respect, seeking goodness for one’s spouse, with an openness toward life, and the hope for growth in the love of God, we who are married seek out the best for our spouse. When we turn to our spouse in this way, the union is a beautiful thing.

However, this dance is not an easy one to do. In my past professional experience, I have seen it turn sour and become a tragedy, filled with criticism, blame, and anger. Personally, my parents’ relationship was fraught at times with argument and ill will. There are no easy and simple answers to these conflicts. John Gottman, a noted marriage authority, says that how one deals with conflict is an important sign of the vitality of a marriage. He sees four characteristics that impair a positive regard for one’s spouse. Focusing on the other’s faults (criticism), quickly putting up one’s defenses (defensiveness), having a strong negative evaluation of the other (contempt) and being unwilling to talk about things (stonewalling) are like a cancer that eats away at the good fabric of a relationship. On the other hand, actively listening to the other, not allowing the negative to overcome the positive, and being willing to talk and share are things to do that facilitate health in a relationship. Making the first move to come together after an argument and asking for forgiveness are also needed correctives. Being married is a beautiful thing, but it requires practice in showing respect and appreciating the dignity of the other.

Blessings,
Deacon Steve

“A soul in which the Holy Spirit dwells is never weary
in the presence of God; it gives forth a breath of love.”
~ Thoughts of the Cure D’Ars

High Hopes

Dear Parishioners,

I am sure that you have heard about the lowly mustard seed, the smallest of seeds which when grown becomes the largest of shrubs (Matthew 13:31–32). What is going on with this seed? Doesn't it know that it is small? Where did it get that attitude that it could grow tall and big? What strikes me here is that this little seed has a great attitude of hope! It is not deterred by its size or the difficult prospects of growing tall and large. Jesus said that with faith the size of a mustard seed, you could move a mountain. Our Judeo-Christian tradition is like such a seed. The Israelites being pursued by the army of the Egyptians, leave slavery in Egypt for the land promised to Abraham, Isaac and Israel. What a divinely inspired hope! It is like the hope of the four friends who lower the crippled man through the roof to see Jesus (Luke 5:17-39). Or the Virgin Mary to tell the servants at the wedding at Cana, “Do whatever he tells you.” (John 2:1–12) Or the actions of Simon Peter and his brother Andrew when Jesus says to them to follow him, they drop their nets and follow (Matthew 4:18–22). Aren’t we all followers of Christ because of such a hopeful word or thought or action? Aren’t we all mustard seeds with an attitude of hope? Hope for joy, hope for an end to war, hope for the solution to our difficulties, hope for the best diagnosis, hope for reconciliation, hope for our loved one turning back to God. I say let us continue to hope! Let us pour our energy into hope for those good things our God promises. The Israelites found the promised land. The man walked out of the house with the hole in the roof. The wine at the wedding was the best. Let us hope in God and see what good things can come of it!

Blessings,
Deacon Steve

“People will go three or four leagues to earn thirty pence, while they will not take thirty steps to hear Mass on a week -day.”
~ Thoughts of the Cure D’Ars

Sorry, Thanks, Help and Wow

Dear Parishioners,

I once heard a priest give a homily about the four important words to say. I don't know where he got it, but this isn't original with me. The words are Sorry, Thanks, Help and Wow. They cover a wide range of emotions and situations. Perhaps if we can say all these, if these are in our vocabulary, if they are a part of our common experience and expression, we may become a more genuine and healthy human being.  

Sorry is perhaps the hardest of these words. To say you are sorry is to admit fault and to acknowledge a personal wrong that you committed. It means to admit that you need to repair a broken situation that you made happen. It puts us at the mercy of another who can accept or deny our apology.

Thanks is a wonderful word that conveys gratitude and appreciation. Do you still have the capacity to appreciate? It also acknowledges the gift that others have done for us. It takes us outside ourselves. Thanks is wonderful to say and to hear. It is the necessary oil that makes our relationships work. The frosting on the cupcake of life?

Help is a serious word. To ask for help acknowledges our need for others, our dependence. It says that I can't do it all myself. I need others. I am a part of something bigger than I, and I am not in control of it. I need you.

Finally, wow demonstrates our ability to be impressed, maybe more, to be amazed, to be stunned, to be taken outside of ourselves by something we encounter. It's like seeing the Milky Way for the first time or truly understanding what Christ did for us or appreciating the sacrifice of our parents. It is being taken aback and having your breath taken away. These four simple words, if put into practice, can bring about the presence of love and respect to those we encounter and maybe make us better people.

Blessings,
Deacon Steve

“I often think that the life of some poor employee who knows no will but that of others may be—if only she knows how to pro it by it—quite as agreeable to God as that of a religious who is always with her rule. ”
~Thoughts of the Cure D’Ars

Counting Our Blessings

Dear Parishioners,

Those of you who were not here last weekend missed a vivid and inspiring testimony about the faith in Nigeria. Fr. Joseph described the frequency of violence against Catholics practicing their faith. Churches were burned, people were killed during Mass, the Cardinal of the diocese was kidnapped and assaulted, Fr. Joseph escaped from prison the night before he was scheduled to be beheaded. Yet the faith is strong and vibrant; the churches are packed; Mass lasts 3 hours; the people are joyful and hopeful; and they have so many priestly and religious vocation they send them to other countries including the United States.

He was also very appreciative that the United States had done so much for his country and reminded us about the material blessings we have, often take for granted, and are lacking in his country. It was a long homily, but most people were captivated and very generous in the collection.

In the final analysis, it made one see how blessed and fortunate we are to live in the USA. After all, we could have been born anywhere else in the world. May we never stop thanking God and praying for those less fortunate around the globe.

Fr. Carl

“One day, our Lord said to St. Catherine of Siena: ‘I want you to make a Retreat in your heart, and to come there to be alone with me and keep me company.’ Well let us do the same…”
~ Thoughts of the Cure D’Ars

Catholic Marriage

Dear Parishioners,

The month of June has been, for many years, a popular time for weddings. The weather usually becomes warm and sunny before the oppressive heat of July and August. I had intended to write about the sacrament of matrimony, but every weekend there seemed to be a major feast such as Pentecost, Trinity Sunday, Corpus Christi, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus that called for special attention.

Now that we have reentered into the Sundays of Ordinary time, so named because they have an ordinal number (the 14th this weekend) I would like to offer a few thoughts. First of all, the fact that Jesus performed his first public miracle at Cana (John 2:1-12) shows that God has the highest regard for this communion between a man and a women. This relationship God established between Adam and Eve at the dawn of creation (Genesis 2) is now a sacrament, that is a sign of Jesus’ sacrificial, faithful, and fruitful love for his spouse, the church. It’s a noble adventure in which the couple collaborates for two purposes: 1) the bringing of children into the world and raising them in the faith; and 2) helping one another grow in holiness so as to enter heaven.

Because the Church believes in the sanctity of marriage, she insists any marriage with a Catholic take place in a church. The Church would prefer the marriage to take place in a Catholic church but allows Catholics to get married in other churches. In either case, it is necessary to contact a catholic priest 6 months in advance for the necessary counseling and preparations.

These days more couples are opting for destination weddings in exotic locations. The Church is fine with that as long as the wedding takes place in a church. Those weddings are more complicated to arrange with extra paperwork and special permission. You also have to find a priest or deacon willing to go away for a few days. But it can be done, just not on a beach, field, or mountain top. I even did one for my niece in Florida a few years ago.

The Church wants only the best for her sons and daughters. She wants Jesus there to bless the marriage for he lives in his Father’s house, the church.

Fr. Carl

Celebrate Freedom of Religion

Dear Parishioners,

This weekend as we celebrate the Fourth of July, we relish the liberty for which our forefathers fought and sacrificed. We are the land of liberty, freedom, and opportunity. And while freedom is a great blessing, it is not enjoyed by all people around the world. Freedom is not an end in itself. Otherwise, it becomes a false idol; it takes the place of God, the only one we should adore. Freedom has limits and boundaries which, if not respected, lead to chaos, violence, and self destruction. St. Peter, in the New Testament, tells us, “Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cloak for vice.” (1 Peter 2:16)

And Pope St. John Paul II teaches us that, “Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” (Homily of His Holiness John Paul II, Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Baltimore, October 8, 1995)

One of the blessings that God bestowed upon the human race was free will or freedom. We know from the story of Adam and Eve what happened when they abused that gift (Genesis 2 and 3). Satan entered into human history, and we have had problems ever since.

Today, our religious liberty and freedom is being threatened by the courts, legislature, and executive branch of the government which wants to restrict freedom of religion to the four walls of our church buildings. Some of the teachings of the Bible and our moral beliefs are being labeled as hate speech and bigotry because they contradict the views of modern culture. The late Cardinal George of Chicago opined that while he expected to die in his home, his successor would die in prison, and his successor would die as a martyr. Perhaps that insight is a bit far-fetched. However, many years ago when Margaret Sanger was told that legal contraception would lead to abortion, she said that would never happen. Well it did. What will happen to freedom of religion if we do nothing?

Fr. Carl

“Although the good God does not allow us to see him, he is none the less present in the Blessed Sacrament; none the less ready to grant us all we ask.”
~ Thoughts of the Cure D’Ars

Liturgical Vestments

Dear Parishioners,

One of the surprising things for me after being ordained a deacon in 2012 was the cool, new wardrobe I acquired! First of all, we wear an alb. This is a white, long, flowing garment that should cover the wrists, ankles, and neck. No street clothes should be visible. A rope cincture is worn like a belt around the waist. St. Francis wore a rope cincture instead of a money bag to indicate his poverty. For the deacon, a stole is worn over the alb, going from the left shoulder to the right hip. The priest wears a stole over his shoulders. This stole can be very colorful with a variety of symbols embroidered on it like crosses, doves, or flowers. The stole is the color of the Church season or special for a particular Mass. The color for Advent and Lent are violet; Holy Week, Easter and Christmas are white. Good Friday being the day of Christ’s death is red, as is the color for feast days of martyrs. Other holy days like Ascension, Assumption, Holy Trinity are white. For Marian days, you may see blue in vestments. The color for the times between these special seasons is called “Ordinary Time” and is green. The color of the cinctures of the altar servers also go with the day. The outer garments for the priest and deacon are different yet nearly identical. The priest wears a flowing chasuble, the color of the season over the alb and stole. The deacon wears a dalmatic, like the chasuble but with sleeves. The cope is a large cape clasped in the front, worn over the vestments for solemn celebrations outside of Mass such as Adoration. The humeral veil is worn when the Eucharist is in procession or during Benediction. These vestments give beauty and dignity to our liturgical celebrations. Watch for them.

Blessings,
Deacon Steve

“When we have God in our heart, it ought to glow. The hearts of the Disciples on the road to Emmaus burnt within them at the sound of his voice.”
~ Thoughts of the Cure D’Ars